Tu Face Rumoured To Have Joined the Illuminati

17 Feb 2011

Tu Face Rumoured To Have Joined the Illuminati
The signs are everywhere!

 


Lagos - Amid constant rumours making the rounds that several chart-topping musicians are now members of the secret society, Illuminati, Nigeria, known never to carry last, now has its own singing sensation and father of many nations, Tu Face Idibia, as a rumoured member.

Famed Musicians such as Jay-Z, Beyonce, Rick Ross, Kanye West, and Rihanna have all been at one time or another connected to the secret society and are rumoured to make up the higher ranks of the infamous cult. Several outsiders are perplexed at the inclusion of Nigerian Tu Face as he has yet to attain the financial heights or musical success generally enjoyed by fellow society members.

However, speaking with an insider - who chose to remain anonymous to speak candidly on the matter - it was revealed that while Mr Face was yet to achieve the celebrity status internationally that much of the other members enjoy, his incredible ability to spread his seed has made him attractive as the Illuminati feel that should the need ever arise to build an army to defend itself, Mr Face will be very instrumental in pro-creating a new generation, and pro-creating fast.

It was learnt that at his induction in to the society, Mr Face was made to endure a daylong session on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies, or in Nigerian parlance, Belle (not pronounced Belle, as in the French Word, but Belleh).

He was also made to endure a conditioning session in which he was strapped into a chair and electrodes were attached to his something. He was then made to watch pictures of Beyonce and Rihanna repeatedly displayed on a giant screen in front of him, and each picture was accompanied by an electricity shock delivered to his something through the electrodes. This treatment was meant to prevent him from unleashing his manshewo ways on the female members of the society.

Our insider revealed that shortly after the electricity shock treatment, Mr. Face bumped into Beyonce in the hallway of the society and he immediately experienced a fit resembling epilepsy. This was proof that the electrical conditioning had worked.

Beyonce, who didn’t know about the shock therapy, is reported to have been flattered as she thought that Mr. Face had simply caught a case of the Holy Ghost at her beauty.

In related News, Pastor T.B Joshua has offered a cure for all Illuminati members, for an undisclosed fee of course.

- Falz Vueys, reporting for Wazobia Report



Comments have been disabled

Ayubu On 1/9/2014 5:09:56 PM
the Bible talks about later/last days and all what will happen but we have witnesses. Jesus is the key to every thing, Jesus gives wealth enough to every one but if you want to get more than what you are supposed to get, then you will crash. Gaining the whole on the expense of your Saul. God forbid. Jesus is calling every one, you can change your tomorrow, come to Jesus people. In Jesus' name Amen
kachi On 12/22/2013 1:20:56 PM
i hope is a lie cos if is true God go screw u
ASTRAS On 2/22/2013 3:55:10 PM
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAID IF 2FACE JOINED ILLUNATI_GOD KNOW'S.
Take me away On 2/16/2013 10:14:57 PM
I honestly cannot believe the comments here. Who bred these people?
Sheeple On 2/16/2013 10:12:07 PM
Lol
DANIEL On 9/9/2012 4:27:20 PM
LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT RICHES, FORGET ABOUT THE WORLD & THINK ABOUT THAT VERY PLACE YOU`VE ALWAYS WISHED FOR. SATAN KNOWS HOW GREAT HEAVEN IS, HE ALSO KNEW HE HAS NO STAND THERE IN HEAVEN SO ALL HE COULD DO IS TO TRICK WE HUMAN WITH THE THINGS OF THE WORLD THAT DOESNT LAST COS WE ARE BLIND FOLDED. ONLY A FOOL LIKE ADAM WOULD FALL FOR SATAN`S TEMPTATION SO GET THAT INTO YOUR GREEZY HEAD
Save me oh God a.k.a (smog) On 8/29/2012 3:04:23 PM
I want 2 sieze opportuniy 2 tel dos dat wantz 2 join d so called secrit cult ILUMINATI dat u ar rada makin a fool of ur self cus it writen in d bible dat only foolz belivs dat dia z no GOD. Wich implies u wana sel ur soul 2 d devil as if he is ur creator.i advice u stop postin dat nonsense.
JEHOVAH'S DAUHGTER On 6/1/2012 11:28:43 PM
It has been said dat wen d world is abt 2 end,bad things take over bt i really want all to believe that money fame are all frm God, nd i d dvil givs 1 he collects 5o in return,selln ur soul is a simply a first clas insanity nd 2 u young ones that wnt 2 sel ur soul pls try nd com nearer 2 JEHOVAH u wil c how worthy HE is nd there is stil much tym 4 u to come 2 him or else u nd devil wil rot in first clas hell. END TIME IS NEAR
jotham brown On 5/7/2012 2:18:49 AM
on this issue, ithink life is a free will 4rom nature, wat u dont like may be diffrent 4rom wat u like in as much as there is frdom of speech, belief,worship etc apart of freedom to take another mans life.all of us wu are criticizing if we are 1 of them we will not be comenting but be hapy and wanting to be more famours cus wat we all shuold be thinking off shuold be the new release and not looking behind us bakbiting.So i think we shuld 4 get about were any man belongs to n learn 4rom wat we as humans can achive 4rom theem cus bthey may be baseless 4 us all.
TEGA AKPOMUDJE On 4/25/2012 1:45:49 PM
I WANT 2 JOINE ILLUMINTI

Azuogu Uchechukwu Psalmuel On 4/25/2012 10:58:00 AM
RUMOUR MONGERS SHUT UP UR MOUTH!!!!!!!!! Is dis really 2ru or jst a falacy? We mst nt mk a mess of smbdys name esp wt false accusatns which dis might b one of dat; God is d giver of wealth, fame & woteva u might b seekn 4 in life, hope in God, 4 ur redeemer liveth & will soon appear.So, DON'T TOUCH D DIAL OF UR FAITH IN GOD.
jackson abia On 4/23/2012 2:49:48 PM
its nt d best,GOD first in all ur doing

Anonymos On 4/19/2012 5:51:42 PM
Be careful cause som1 may not read to the end to know if it is real or non.
Anonymos On 4/19/2012 5:51:33 PM
Be careful cause som1 may not read to the end to know if it is real or non.
ibraheemismaeel On 4/17/2012 3:04:40 PM
i want to sale my soul but i don't know how to sale it please i'm waiting for reply thants
ibraheemismaeel On 4/17/2012 3:04:38 PM
i want to sale my soul but i don't know how to sale it please i'm waiting for reply thants
fabolous On 4/13/2012 4:39:48 PM
i want to join follow me on twitter fabolous hood niga
John On 4/12/2012 4:38:32 PM
Gods time is the best.
MIMI On 3/30/2012 9:46:32 PM
we should remember in all we do in life, withhout the support of the MOST HIGH GOD,we cant do anything by ourselves, this wealth belong to GOD, satan ve nothing to offer except to inflict pain,to steal and to destroy.
J H M On 3/7/2012 10:14:06 PM
just by everyone comments including this one all these rappers are getting more famous so just try to ignore this stupid BS unless a actual member which i highly doubt comes up to you to recruit you

Franklyn Rowland On 2/25/2012 7:35:47 PM
Men should flee from sin!What doz it profit a man 2 gain d whole world & luz his soul.Ask urself a question 'where do i spend my eternity?
glizzy On 1/18/2012 10:02:53 PM
I advice y'al 2 leav dis page
Boogie Vanz On 1/18/2012 4:54:24 PM
All these are mere lies to decieve the weak minded perverted folks who believe that anybody that has got fame is evil.....does it now mean that every star is a devil worshipper? my people be wise
Wizbaby!! On 1/5/2012 8:33:36 PM
Why do pple in nigeria like dat secret society so much. Is it all about firm, i do not believe dat 2 baba is in de secret cult if so he will bear de cross alone.
fabio galant On 12/22/2011 5:45:55 PM
i like to join iluminati i want to be a celebrity of world come my place
Adesubokan david On 12/18/2011 7:36:29 AM
Am ready to worship satan i want to hv money ilumunti pls come to me and am ready to join u ilumunati,ilumunati,ilumunati come i want u badly
Adesubokan david On 12/18/2011 7:26:49 AM
I want to join d ilumunati i want to hv dis money pls anybody who is looking 4 who will join me am ready and fit to join the ilumunath pls am begging ilumunati come to me
teamy On 12/15/2011 12:47:09 PM
wat de fuck is dis...............dis is rubbish.....all ur evidence is rubbish..........the pendant is sign of music...and tell me wat is bad in wearing black shirt.....so he can't look anywhere just to take picture for his album cover.................de person dat did dis is an idiot
SSSR On 12/14/2011 3:10:20 PM
2face May God help u,and ur so call iluminati curt
cutty On 12/14/2011 7:31:37 AM
tu face,dere is no point joining,i'm sure u av all u ever wished 4 and even more.Don't do it bcoz odas are doing it.I'm sure it's nt the ryt thing 2 do.Love you
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