Dear Valentino,
Simple answer: You don’t.
Where do I start? You are the first person I have come across, that even GEJ would not trade places with, and that says a lot.
The way I see it, it is your destiny to remain within this family. There is such a thing as preeminent purpose in life, and yours seems to be the sexual satisfaction of every member of this family.
Well, my dear Valentino, upfront I would tell you to buy Vaseline. That, or go to MFM and find a prayer warrior pastor who specializes in praying destiny-changing prayers. Mind you, it is not always a risk-free venture to spiritually change ones destiny as you do not know where your current destiny would take you, or for that matter what your new destiny would do to you.
That said, I am the sort of chick that if you give me lemons, I’ll make lemonade. Get? You can accept your destiny, and the eventual rupturing of your back that comes with it, and still come out the winner. How? Well, your story reads like a movie script, and I am not talking of any ye-ye Tonto Dike Nollywood home video. No.
In your particular narrative exists the makings of a blockbuster movie. My advice, say to yourself what men say to women when they, the men, want to subject them, the women, to the torture that is anal sex, (something like, ‘How do you know you wont like it if you haven’t tried it?), and do the father. Then, sell your story to one of the Amatas. Bro, I will pay to watch your story in Silverbird!
Goodluck with all that!
Aunty Ngozi
P.s: I am single and unmarried, and you sent me your email through my email address. But I draw the line at men who do familysomes.