Dear Abdul,

Thanks for your letter and for the interest you’ve expressed in making me you second wife. I am much chuffed.

I apologise for the late coming of this reply, my publisher and I (along with the rest of the Wazobiareport.com staff writers) have been embroiled in a serious matter of artistic difference which has now been partly resolved.

I don’t want to keep you waiting so this is my answer: NO.

You see, I do not particularly want to be called the N word. And in addition, it sounds to me like you are looking for a drug mule, what with all this travelling you want the girl to be doing.

If indeed you are truly interested in a second wife, may I suggest that you don’t go about advertising the fact? Perhaps you want to ask your more successful male friends how they do it.

Anyways, good luck with all that and thanks for writing to me.

Aunty Ngozi