Dear size 14,

Swirat, there’s nothing wrong with you that Brazilian cannot solve. You see, men love the length, color, and texture of Brazilian hair, I don’t know why, but they do.

But, you said you are size 14? Are you size 14, 14, or the type of size 14 that you really have to squeeze into your blouse and hope the buttons don’t pop? I’m just asking, because it is good to be honest with ones’ self. You see ehn, there is nothing wrong with being fat and fabulous, but you can’t start enjoying the fabulous part if you are still in denial over the fat part. Just saying.

But, mnn. I hope it’s not the case sha, but, you said you have a boyfriend, boys are not toasting you, and your boyfriend is currently annoying you. Again, I pray it is not the case o, but this sounds like a classic case of fidelity-assurance-charm. He has used juju on you to make you undesirable to other men. You see, even the fact that he is annoying you is evidence of this. You are getting annoyed with him because your spirit is fighting the charm he has used on you. My one concern now is that he may have not stopped at making you repel other men. Google ‘magun.’

My only advice to you i s, don’t sleep with any man o! Or else you will just see the man doing summersault and foaming in his mouth. You will become a murderer. Your body is currently now a weapon - because of the magun he may or may not have done for you. My suggestion, visit MFM.

Good luck with all that.

Aunty Ngozi