Arnie the Terminator produces IMF’s DSK in Off-Cannes’ “Ruining of Lives”

by Tola Adenle [emotan.wordpress.com]

“HEYDROOGIE:  I’ll be back…………………………..to get the rest of my things.”

Of the over 20,000 bloggers who had written on the Schwarznegger saga when I checked several days ago, I must have glanced at just about a hundred but among those few, one stood out for its hilarity:  Blogger “Heydroogie” who put a nice twist on the line of the Terminator character that Arnold Scharznegger is perhaps most noted for in the movies.  Since his sort of non-return from politics back to movie-dom,  his “I’ll be back” has been thrown around by the media as a sort of triumphant return, a step beyond late President Ronald Reagan’s: from the silver screen to politics. Arnie’s big ego must have believed he was not only returning to the silver screen as actor, producer, blah blah blah, but that his being born foreign would still be overcome in future and he would wake up one day  in the White House as President of the United States of America with Maria by his side and dozens of maids, pardon me, maidens on his mind.

Real life Cinderela stories still happen, Arnie boy, but fromMuscleBuildingto marrying into American Political Royalty via Maria Shriver (The Kennedys) to governingAmerica’s largest state is more than enough for more than a life time. It may not be the end of your movie-dom larger-than-life career but you have people you can return to – if you get my drift – but any ego-tripping “return” has been terminated by your alter ego, the Terminator and not just “put on hold”. Politics?  Forget it.  Never again!

I like Heydroogie’s take.  In good old USAwhen a man wants a divorce – or even the wife – it’s not like Nigeriawhere the hapless woman is sent out with not even a “needle”:  abere, oko mi ko je kin mu jade!  My kids may speak “excellent” Yoruba but the idioms are lost on them as all have lived abroad for over twenty years of their relatively young lives.  When a woman narrated how she was chased out of her matrimonial home in their presence several years ago, they found the Yoruba expression above so funny they still get a kick out of relating it:  that a woman was not allowed to take even a needle away.  Well, not so, inAmerica.  It is the man who will have to leave with as few items as possible apart from deservedly owing jaw-dropping financial settlement.

Mr. Heydroogie – must be a man – has turned Terminator’s words into a nasty play on words –I believe  the English calls that a pun: Arnoldwill be back “to get the rest of my things”.

Now that this story seems to be wearing off its welcome by the ever I wanna know tabloid readers, it seems the former muscle builder who married way up has become a non-father to one of his kids who reportedly tweeted as “Shriver”, his maternal grandfather’s name – is getting more laundry aired in public. The English tabloids are the worst in mud-raking  to the Schwarzneggers and Straus-Kahns of this world – but the best as far as tabloid readers are concerned. The Mirror has reported that a woman has supposedly asked a lawyer to represent her in a claim of paternity against Arnie concerning her daughter and has reportedly asked for aDNA test to prove paternity.

It seems Arnie will be back alright, but will be moving from one court jurisdiction to another.

Now, what do we make of IMF high flier, Dominique Straus-Kahn, the socialist who prescribes austerity for those that Fanon described as “the wretched of the earth” while staying at $4,000/night hotel suites?

Pardon my being nasty, but the guy looked mid to upper 70s before the media reported a virile early 60s!

Nigerian readers of my previous weekly essays must know I’m always highly suspicious of these IMF/World Bank types having worked as a go-fer at The Bank in my late twenties.  Nigerian media are always reporting breathlessly “low interest rate” loans to Nigeria which are often termed “good” while they close their collective eyes to the scam always perpetrated on countries like Nigeria with currency devaluations, loads of loans even after condemning same and “helping” to get Nigeria, for example, out of the loan pile-up.  I have wondered aloud dozens of times in the almost nine years of newspaper column writing why Nigeria, which produces only one thing – for the most part – and the thing, petroleum, is indexed in US dollar, has to keep on devaluing its currency.

I think the French colonists believe they are still inFrench West Africaas I once told a French boss at The Bank, and so can send any West African under their authority bowing at the boss as he goes by.  No, I was not sexually harassed  like the Guinean young woman but I must say that the blow-up which came after months of oppressive supervision.  Could have gone back to $3.50 an hour job but the story had a sort of happy ending; I got a transfer.

Straus-Khan faces a very long and unpleasant summer ahead and an even worse future, no matter what the French may think or say about American justice system.