Breaking News: Nigeria Threatens to Leave Africa!

01 Feb 2012

Breaking News: Nigeria Threatens to Leave Africa!

He plans to run for the UN. Photo: Saharareporters.com


 


Abuja - Following the expected loss of AU chairmanship to Boni Yayi of Benin Republic, President Goodluck Ebeble Jonathan’s administration today threatened to breakaway from Africa and form an independent continent of Nigeria.


In a terse press release signed by Mr. Reuben Abati, Nigeria stated:


"Since Africa does not consider our President, Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan good enough for the Chairmanship of the African Union, then Africa does not deserve our presence on the Continent."


Following the statement, Africa's most populous nation has given the AU an ultimatum of 1 week to regroup and crown GEJ the head of the prestigious union otherwise there shall be consequences.


The press release also advised the advisory body of AU not to bother trying to contact GEJ on the matter as it is non-negotiable. The document pointed out that the Nigerian president is currently too busy negotiating with more important personalities like Boko Haram who the AU should not force him to exile to their countries.


Meanwhile, ministers, cabals, and members of parliament are believed to have secretly convened to decide how Nigeria’s breaking away from Africa should be organized to ensure that the Igbos and other Southerners do not use the opportunity to slip away into the Atlantic with their oil and also form their own continent. 


- Danger Mouse




Comments have been disabled

darl abu On 1/17/2015 11:53:55 PM
Ok, now I can see the caution. It's not true guys.
darl abu On 1/17/2015 11:48:01 PM
I don't think the story is true
Deedasilva On 10/31/2013 8:00:31 PM
Obviously not real.... but good comic relief though ...lol
kkk pem On 4/27/2013 2:49:56 AM
Oga at top" politics is now like ogogoro..aaahhhhhh
Michael Akpabio On 1/24/2013 10:54:04 AM
Hmmm, wonders shall never end, naija I hail you!
GEJ On 8/29/2012 8:08:24 AM
We are planning to call on America for recolonization, this is just the reason why I am planning to break away from Africa. I know if I move the motion without any cause, it might not be recognised, but now that I want to use the chance of not being crowned as AU Championship. Let's wait and see what America would say or else, we try other EU countries like France and Russia, or maybe we should even sell the country to Russia, so we can be able to have plenty money for settling Boko Haram's issue, Subsidy payment and production of #5000 notes. Don't laugh at me for this, I am serious about it. GEJ
GEJ On 8/29/2012 8:08:13 AM
We are planning to call on America for recolonization, this is just the reason why I am planning to break away from Africa. I know if I move the motion without any cause, it might not be recognised, but now that I want to use the chance of not being crowned as AU Championship. Let's wait and see what America would say or else, we try other EU countries like France and Russia, or maybe we should even sell the country to Russia, so we can be able to have plenty money for settling Boko Haram's issue, Subsidy payment and production of #5000 notes. Don't laugh at me for this, I am serious about it. GEJ
owen On 8/24/2012 4:39:24 PM
Nigeria Nigeria
slick On 6/15/2012 10:50:43 PM
they should go to madagascar
mee On 5/24/2012 5:30:52 PM
this is tooo funny i cant stop laughin
nigeria On 3/5/2012 4:30:58 PM
if you are a Nigerian here and you are supporting this,i'll be pleased to say that you are a disgrace to the nation.the state of the nation affects all.....home or abroad.......if there is a curse,it is in your blood because you are one of us..please try to play your part in changing yourself that alone will change the state of the nation...be wise in your doings...when they say Nigeria,they don't mean our lands,culture,agriculture,minerals.when we hear the name Nigeria.....they talk about you and i. and this is to all the haters who are not Nigerians..........................NO MATTER THE ECONOMY OF THE JUNGLE,A LION CAN NEVER EAT GRASS............yes i said it- and i am......
Igbozuruike Obinna On 3/5/2012 2:35:45 PM
I am very Glad that AU themselves have eyes to notice the incompitent of Goodluck. Goodluck is ruling southerns while Boko haram is ruling the other side. Goodluck is the Man every body believing to say good bye to Nigeria including the international community, rather he is there showing pity to those who are richer and heartless than him.Ghanians and other west African countries are still waiting for the real man who will place nigeria into three countries which God has made it to be.
Collins On 2/14/2012 6:48:56 AM
do the mean that GEJ shd be given presidency for them 2 be in AU....to hell wid dem....let GEJ first undo BOKO HARAM....HAHAHAHA,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Jimoh On 2/13/2012 12:44:25 AM
Danger Mouse must be snoring & having a nightmare which equal to his authored story but, not news.
Gbenga On 2/7/2012 6:50:00 PM
This is when the English man will say " you are having a laugh" this is quit funny. I can't stop laughing!!!
Me On 2/7/2012 5:45:11 PM
How can you people not see that this site is a joke site and that the articles aren't serious??? The article is signed by Danger Mouse, yet people are commenting and acting all serious. Are you people blind? Nigerians are just too gullible!!!!!!!!!
na wa On 2/5/2012 5:10:33 PM
why this man day disgrace US now? Let him short up if he dosn't know what to say
Samuel On 2/5/2012 1:23:37 PM
Who needs Nigeria? If the president is this kidish? How are the rest.
kk On 2/5/2012 10:45:02 AM
hahahahah Africans will be happy if Nigeria will not be count as Africans couse they just disgrace the continent..!
joe On 2/5/2012 9:47:48 AM
What is important for Nigeria Govt is the solve the Boko Haram issue and not the chairmanship of AU?
Who is fincing Boko Haram?
Why the Nigeria Govt is soft in solving the problem? is President weak? or not getting support from his own govt?
Please remember days of Biafra war what does nigeria federal gov get from it
Give the southern people share/benefits getting from oil

jack On 2/5/2012 9:43:34 AM
foolish niga again..AU chairmanship is not a scam or fraud as they used to.
ff On 2/5/2012 9:18:45 AM
kubaffffffffffffffffffff
Prince P On 2/4/2012 6:51:43 PM
this not true, a big lie
ninja On 2/4/2012 4:11:30 PM
LOL they lost their freaking minds, let them leave , after all they are thieves n witches we don want them....phew!!
ROOOOO On 2/4/2012 4:03:59 PM
Lol...i see where this joke is coming from. Inkio-Brigg's statement when they discovered the North was trying to play some funny games with my Niger Deltan brother.
Johny On 2/4/2012 11:17:04 AM
Hahahahaha!!!.., am not happy but i take this like a nonsense because they have nothing to do.
Miss Elle On 2/4/2012 7:57:01 AM
funny that some people don't realize this is a joke and is NOT real! smh...loosen up pple, no need to abuse Nigeria now!
culm On 2/4/2012 5:38:02 AM
who cares if u go join another continent otherwise what do u support Africa
Graig On 2/4/2012 3:02:48 AM
Just read this article this morning and am not from Africa But Goowil the Nigerian lead has No Any quality at all to become the Chairman of AU i think we have Best leaders in Africa who can bechaiman!
Onunwor Chituru On 2/4/2012 1:42:24 AM
I really do not blve dis story. Sounds more lyk mocking d present state of our Nation, NIGERIA.
12
Comments may be removed if found to be gratuitously offensive,
bigoted, off-point, or simply not cool.
All fields are required. Only click the POST button once.
Thank you for your comments and for keeping it clean.
Name:

Comment:


 

Caution: This is NOT real! It's all BS made up to entertain you.
For REAL news, please go to
saharareporters.com




Emotan 77
Former publisher of the women's bi-monthly, Emotan (1977-1984) and op-ed ... now publishes her writing here

Bridging Loans. Get a decision today
We have access to unlimited funding, assuring competitive levels of capital per deal.

Abuja food delivery, call +234 803 369 4078, +234 809 833 944
Afang, edikan ikon, egusi, oha, okro, white soup, jollof rice, yam porriage, moin-moin, white rice & stew ...

Home interiors inspired by Heritage African fabrics
Handmade cushions, bedding, apparel and more

Hand crafted cards by Christiangraffiti
Inspirational notecards and greetings that touch the spirit and pierce the soul