Consumption of kpomo responsible for economic woes – CBN
07 Oct 2010
 The CBN office in Abuja designed to show the world that we are cool
In spite of various steps taken the by Apex Bank, the Nigerian Economy is yet to recover from the crisis it plunged into, following the first of a series of bold interventions by the CBN.
In an interactive session with the press, the CBN governor stated that all measure taken to rescue the Banking sector had failed due to factors he had discovered himself.
He first blamed all the actions taken by his immediate predecessor. "Everything is his fault," he said.
When asked to comment on his successors accusations, the predecessor responded, "I am a professor men!"
The CBN top man then went on to bankers. It would be recalled that he ones famously called for all bankers to be executed, a statement which he later clarified by stating that when he said they should be tied to the stake and shot, he wasn't referring to all of them.
On bankers he had this to say, "They are corrupt, thieving, greedy bastards. And cry babies. Next thing you know, they'll be sulking because I said they should be shot. I mean, do you want to trust your money with such wimps?"
After responding to reporter's questions with characteristic tongue lashing and firing squad mongering, the respectable Governor went on to the last item on his list.
"The combined effects of my predecessor’s moronic policies and the in-bred madness of our bankers, terrible as they are, are nothing compared to the fact that Nigerians eat leather. I mean, leather? In this century?"
He outlined details of his proposal to the federal executive council. His policy proposal calls for the consumption of kpomo, delicious, shaved and stewed cow hide, to be made illegal.
"Other countries have successful leather industries," he said, "But in Nigeria, we are consuming our own in pots of stew. This rubbish must end. Anyone eating, or even cooking leather should be shot!”
We decided to take the proposed policy to the masses. A randomly selected group of Nigerians were treated to a feast at a popular buka in Lagos Island. Kpomo was glaringly absent from the menu.
Mr Emeruwa, a commercial bus driver, was asked to comment on his kpomo-less meal of amala, ewedu, gbegiri, and assorted meat.
"It is like there's something wrong with the soup today," he said, while making supping sounds as he continually tasted his tongue. He looked baffled. "I don't know what is wrong with the food, but there is definitely something wrong with hit. Maybe the women that cooked it were having their period. The taste is one kind."
Another gentleman, Romeo, who took part in the exercise was seen adding salt to his soup repeatedly, and looking more confused with every morsel he ate – before adding more salt.
When we pointed out the absence of kpomo, he said, "Ehn ehn! I knew it. I knew there was something missing. The whole soup was tasting somehow, like sex without climax.”
Lamidi One-chance, a popular enforcer in the area, had this message for the CBN governor, “Abeg, leave our kpomo alone o!”
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