Jega to detain spiritualists ahead of 2011 elections
20 Dec 2010
Someone forgot to bribe him to not do his job
Abuja - Chairman of the Independent Nigerian Electoral Commission (INEC), Professor Attahiru Mohammed Jega, OFR, is leaving nothing to chance in his determination to run a free and fair election in 2011.
According to the Chairman, all forms of rigging need to be anticipated and guarded against, and the use of juju to win elections constitutes unfair advantage - in other words, it is a form of rigging.
The Jega led INEC has already concluded plans to use video cameras to capture activities at and around polling boots in the 2011 elections.
This unprecedented and strategic move has already led to some political office aspirants to step down, but as the commission’s spiritual adviser pointed out, ‘Winch no dey show for camera.’
Realising that for some Nigerian’s, winning an election is a ‘do-or-die’ affair, the Commission realised the hopelessness of technology against potent black magic.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that the commission held a secret meeting with all notable Pastors and Imams in Nigeria, but when confronted with the task of thwarting witchery in the upcoming elections, the men of God declined to get involved, quoting several passages from their respective Holy books to justify their apolitical stance.
A member of on of the congregations represented at the meeting hinted that while he could not speak for the other spiritual leaders, he suspected that his Pastor's decision not to get involved might have something to do with the grade of juju often employed by politicians during elections.
According to him: “Don’t say you heard it from me, but you see, to cast out bed-wetting demon is one thing, but to fight juju prepared in India by flying Ninjas is another thing.”
Failing to secure anti-witchcraft protection from the religious leaders, the commission decided to press the Presidency, pun intended, for a law that would allow all non-major-religion spiritualist to be detained indefinitely for the duration of the election period.
The President has since approved the proposal and his office even submitted a list of names and addresses of people that the commission might want to talk to.
It is unclear how the President, or someone in his office, came by the list of what is reported to be a record of very powerful jazz-men in Nigeria, but an aide in Aso Rock hinted that most PDP Governors are in possession of the same list.
- Joe Aibozaw