Nigerians go to bed knowing that tomorrow would not be any different from today
14 Jan 2011
Tomorrow's forecast: Same as today
Abuja - Following the late night counting of votes cast in the PDP presidential elections and the declaration of President Jonathan Goodluck as the party nominee, Nigerians have now gone to bed safe in the knowledge that tomorrow would be no different from today.
The much anticipated party primaries had earlier resulted in a frenzy of prayers and spiritual supplications made by hired holy men.
Nigeria for a period became the most spiritually charged region in the world as magicians cast spells on behalf of candidates, and prayer warriors bound spells on behalf of other candidates.
The victory of GEJ has however revealed who in the country has the deepest pockets and is thus able to buy the services of the best spiritualists.
Earlier there had been world wide concern over the fate of Nigeria as all her citizens jointly held their breath while waiting for the outcome of the primaries.
But as one Abuja resident put it:
"I just thank God it's all over now. Tomorrow I will go and buy petrol for my generator, and my daughter will tell me she's going for night vigil while she goes to spend the night with the senator that is shinning her kongo." In other words, it would be life as usual.
While the rest of the Nation prepares for a day that will be identical to the day before the primaries, one group of Nigerians is busy lamenting their misfortune.
Due to the impressive show of security at the polling venue, the National Association of Thugs, Ballot box snatchers, Agberos, and Area Boys Incorporated, NAOTBBSAAABI, were denied the chance to earn their ashawo + paraga allowances.
Speaking on behalf of his association, Catch-fire, alias Broken Bottle, alias One-chance, said:
"Ol'boy, na die o. We come here come work, but they nor allow us work. Even in fact, when we see the bagger who wan compete with our presido, the soldiers nor allow us to go jack up him. Me I nor know wetin dey happen for Nigeria again o. Common chuke bottle, dem nor allow us chuke. Na so so bomb them dey burst now."
Catch-fire, alias Broken Bottle, alias One-chance, asked our reporter for 'interview tax' after he spoke to us.
- Joe Aibozaw