Federal Government to introduce Ram Tax this Sallah

Lagos - In a brazen move to unleash further heartache on its citizenry, the FG has announced plans to impose a tax on rams to be purchased for the approaching Muslim festival of Eid el Kabir.  

A senior aide of the Personal Assistant to the Senior Special Assistant to the Presidency on Ram Matters is said to have come up with the ingenious idea.

A Ram Sales Tax (RST) of 20% is to be added to the cost of rams sold all around the country; this is to be enforced by officers of a newly commissioned Ram Task Force (RTF) that have already begun to cart away rams of traders not complying with the  FG directive.

Mallam Rago, a spokesperson for the Ram Traders Association, Abule Oja Chapter, has decried the imposition, describing it as callous.

Speaking through an interpreter, Mallam Rago lashed out at the FG. " The Pederal Goberment has no fitty por the feople,  wallahi!" he lamented.

In ram markets around theLagosmetropolis, disgruntled prospective buyers have been heard raining curses upon anyone, everyone, and no one in particular.

"Where are those yeye  Boko  Haram people when you need them? This is the kind of thing they should be bombing about. Instead they will be killing innocent people," one visibly upset customer ranted.

Mr Matthew-Mark Okoro, a Christian, has also condemned the new development:

"You see, this thing does not only affect Moslems. My landlord who always gives out Sallah meat to all of us tenants has only bought one ram. I tell you, usually Alhaji's compound is full of rams. I am sure we will not even get one maggi cube sized piece of meat this year.

"All my friends have cancelled their usual parties. Where will my family eat this holiday? Abeg, it's not funny at all. We have to stand with our Moslem brothers and sisters against this nonsense!"

Meanwhile frozen fish distributors acrossLagosare recording huge sales as people are forced to look for other alternatives this Sallah, and the Federal Government has since warned against hoarding or Rams in anticipation of the new tax.

By Miss Understood