WARNING Watching the NTA network news can be harmful to your health
14 Apr 2011
Whatever you do, don't watch the news
Lagos – News coming in from Ibadan has just confirmed that several Nigerians have been hospitalized after watching the NTA Network news.
“We’ve been seeing a lot of these cases recently,” Said Professor Goodhealth of the Psychiatry department of the University College Hospital Ibadan, UCH.
“Relatives have been bringing in their family members who appear to be stunned and unresponsive and the only common denominator in all the cases is that such people were watching the network news just prior to their sudden neurosis.”
Health experts are now working round the clock to determine why people are turning into zombies after watching the network news.
Progress is however slow because researchers are afraid to watch the news, in-case it gets them as well.
At the time of filing this report, our man who visited the West West Ground wing of UCH witnessed the admission of more patients afflicted with the Network News Syndrome.
They were all staring straight ahead into space and repeatedly mumbling the words, “I MUST VOTE FOR JONATHAN.”
“I may be wrong,” said a female physiatrist at the hospital, “But it is seems that people watching the network news are being hypnotized by President Goodluck’s campaign commercials which are being repeated every few minutes.”
- Jowo Mabinu, reporting for wazobiareport.com